My research paper is on PTSD treatment. Reading studies about my own condition is weird.

[BartWillis]

For my psychology class, I'm writing a research paper on PTSD treatment efficacy. I chose the topic because it matters to me. Because I have it. Because I've been through some of these treatments.

Reading the studies is surreal. I'm not just analyzing data. I'm reading about my own experience. Seeing my symptoms described in clinical language. Reading statistics about outcomes that include people like me.

One study talked about "avoidance behaviors" like they're just data points. But I know what avoidance feels like. I know the cost of it. I know the work it takes to push through it. Another study discussed medication side effects. I've had those side effects. I've weighed the trade-offs. I've decided what's worth it and what isn't.

Writing this paper is harder than I expected. I have to be objective. Academic. Distanced. But every page I write, I'm also writing about myself. My professor doesn't know. I haven't told her. Don't want special treatment. Don't want to be seen as a case study instead of a student.

But it's hard. Really hard. Reading about your own brain like it's someone else's.

 

[Palma]

You're not just a student writing a paper. You're a primary source. That's real. That matters. Be gentle with yourself.